I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
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I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
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We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.