theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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