I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The struggles of a small town man whore