she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
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Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?