He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks