if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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