she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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