i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
