You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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