dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize