He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
