So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
