Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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