An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
