PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
