the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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