She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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