Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
