and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
