I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
