even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
