You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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