I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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