wanna go halves on a baby?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
