so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
