they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
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You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
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btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize