Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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