she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
