when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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