Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
