i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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