he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
