i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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