You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize