theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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