yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
