Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
