Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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