we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
