I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
