where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You made out with two different species that night
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
