if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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