You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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