Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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