she woke up with a sticky ear
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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