is your mom at the bar?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
