why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
