my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
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She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
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They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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