I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
