Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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