Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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