I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
