So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
