I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
