this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
