My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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