Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
