Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
