The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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