it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
