You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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