i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
