This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
