I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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