based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
