he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
