I need to stop coming to work sober
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
