ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
