apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
