hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
