Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
These tits shall not be calmed
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
